Not Better, Not Worse, Just Different

I have two passports. More importantly, I have two cultures - American and French. Or French and American, so nobody feels like the less-loved child. I've lived most of my life in the United States, but I have spent enough time living in France (lately especially) to consider myself an expert - for the intents and purposes of this particular forum - on the subtle and not-so-subtle differences between living in the United States and living in France.

I know the stereotypes, and it must be said that many of them turn out to be true in at least some cases: French people are rude, Americans are friendly, French food is the best in the world, the US has this, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I'd like to go beyond these and get down to what I've noticed are the most interesting differences between living in the United States and living in France.



A disclaimer: I lived for 10 years in Houston, Texas, and 13 years in the Bay Area; the time I've spent living in France as an adult (or close enough) has been entirely in Paris. Any observations I make - and any righteous indignation you may feel at the sheer, utter wrongness of my pronouncements - should be taken with these facts in mind.

Oh, and I like lists. So, away we go!

That's Not the Way They Do It in 'Merica or Vive La France

• The French do not do lines. At the supermarket, at the movies, at the passport checkpoint at the airport. You see one window/entrance/life raft? It is absolutely Lord of the Flies when it comes to getting to the front. But the funniest part is how transparently blatant the French are about cutting - and that includes you, 86-year-old woman with your shopping caddy. Don't think that just because you're small and (apparently) frail I don't notice you slowly but surely getting your clogs between me and the person directly in front of me. I'm on to you.
• French voicemail messages are some of the most elaborate things I have ever come across, especially compared to the "This is Me, Leave a Message, Beep" that typifies most US voicemail messages. I've heard music, to be sure, but also pre-programmed dialogue. Oh, the dialogue. Some of the more fanciful: "A little drum (insert drums rattling)...a little guitar (guitar strums)...and your message! Now we have ourselves a show"; "As they are currently in the depths of the Manhattan underworld, your correspondent cannot answer your call. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (MP: seriously. It actually uses that exact phrase, or the French equivalent): leave a brief message with all your information and your correspondent will risk it all to get back to you"; and hands-down the most aggravating (imagine two voices overlapping each other): "I'm currently unavailable (I don't want to talk to you!) so please leave your name (I don't really care!), your number, and a brief message (good luck hearing from me!) and I will get back to you (not at all true, I'm going to ignore you!)" Beeeeeeep.
• You're in a waiting room. There are several other people sitting in chairs along with you. The door opens, and another patient walks in. "Bonjour" says the newbie. "Bonjour", each person answers in their own time. This happens every time. Something in the French DNA requires them to greet everyone - total strangers - when they enter a room, and requires every other person to respond in kind. Totally bizarre, yet absolutely quaint.
  
• Cheese at the end of every meal. After the main course, before dessert. Without fail. The United States does cheese right in a lot of ways, but the French have made consuming curds an art form.
  
• This one is changing at a glacial pace, but 24/7 and open-7-days-a-week are still incredibly rare in France. Even in Paris. Do your grocery shopping on Saturday, get your baguette on Friday morning, save the laundry until Monday night, because Sunday is a dead zone when it comes to commerce.
  

That's all I've got for now. More will come, I'm quite certain. Until then, Vive la difference.